After my miscarriage I found myself struggling to find the words to describe how I felt. I was filled with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and shame. I was navigating grief completely foreign to me and was at a loss as to how to explain it to my loved ones. One thing I knew for sure, I was angry at God. I was so angry that I refused to even pray. I froze God out. Then one day he made a way for me to hear a song that seemed to have been written just for me. I sobbed and honestly, it was great. I was singing words that described exactly how I felt but I didn’t have to try to find them on my won. Soon I built an entire playlist full of songs that helped me to say the words that were trapped inside of me. I titled the playlist PEACE and listened to it anytime I felt alone. Here are some of my favorite songs to listen to when grieving. I hope they bring you peace
Into The Sea-Tasha Layton
“My heart is breaking in a way I never thought it could. My mind is racing with the question, “are you still good?”.
That first line reeled me in opened the flood gates. I could not have said it better myself. The pain I was feeling cut so much deeper than anything I could have imagined. And to say that I questioned God during those moments is an understatement. The song goes on talk about the blame felt and the blame placed on God. More feelings I was very familiar with. But then the truth comes: “though the ground beneath might crumble and give way, I can hear my Father singing over me, it’s gonna be ok, it’s gonna be ok.” At the time, I couldn’t understand how I could ever be ok but just hearing the words and knowing I wasn’t the only one saying them, brought me immense comfort.
Truth Be Told-Matthew West and Carly Pearce
I found this one a little later into my grief journey but it quickly became one that I listen to on repeat. It talks about the lies we tell people when they ask how we’re doing. I found/still find it so hard to be honest about my feelings because I don’t want to make people uncomfortable. No one expects to ask you how you’re doing only to hear that you feel broken from the inside and are struggling to get through the day. So instead we say “I’m fine.”
I remember not wanting to pray because I was so mad at God. As if I could just keep those thoughts and feelings to myself and he wouldn’t know. This song is a beautiful reminder that there isn’t anything he doesn’t already know.
I Am Yours-Lauren Daigle
Once I was brought back to a place where I could admit that I needed God again, this was my anthem.
“Let the earth shake beneath me, let the mountains fall, you are God over the storm and I am yours.”
“So take my everything, my flesh and blood. I’ll lay me down on the altar.”
Let me tell you, I still can’t sing that second one without sobbing. This song reminds me that there is purpose in my grief and that God is using me and my circumstances for good. Those are hard truths to remind myself of sometimes but songs like this help.
Rescue-Lauren Daigle
Lauren Daigle shows up a lot on my list. She really knows how to speak to the brokenhearted and for that, I am forever grateful for her. This song is FULL of beautiful reminders of Gods love. It reminds us that we are not hopeless, forgotten or hidden. One of my favorite lines is “in the middle of the darkest night it’s true, I will rescue you.” There has been no darker a time in my life than when I miscarried. At times it felt like the darkness was completely consuming. I love that this song carries such a powerful message of hope and light.
Truth I’m Standing On-Leanna Crawford
This is the ONE. The first song that just wrecked me as I listened to someone else singing my deepest thoughts.
“But never more than right now I’m wondering, where are you?”
“But I’m so filled with fear I can barely move.”
“Someday soon, I’ll look back and see all the pain had a purpose.”
It’s been almost two years since my last miscarriage and I still feel shaken to my core when I listen to these lyrics. Such a powerful message of feeling sacred and doubtful but trusting that eventually a plan will be revealed. If you wan tot read more about my journey through miscarriage, click here.
I never set out to create this list of songs for myself. I heard one, felt comforted, saved it and then kept adding songs as I heard them. Eventually Spotify got pretty good at recommending songs to me. I hope at least some of these songs bring you the comfort you seek. My full list of songs to listen to when grieving is much longer and I’m happy to share each one with you, just drop me a message here and I’ll send it over. I’m proud of you.
